Worried about someone? You do not have to support them alone.

Watching someone you care about experience family violence can feel frightening, confusing, and overwhelming.

You may not know what to say, what to do, or whether it is your place to get involved.

The most important thing to know is that support matters.

You do not need to have all the answers to make a difference.

West Coast Women’s Refuge can help you understand how to support someone safely while respecting their choices, dignity, and circumstances.

Recognising The Signs

Family violence is not always obvious

Many people think family violence only involves physical violence.

In reality, family violence can also involve patterns of control, intimidation, fear, isolation, manipulation, and emotional abuse.

Some signs someone may be experiencing family violence include:

  • Becoming withdrawn from friends, whānau, or community activities

  • Appearing anxious, fearful, or constantly worried about upsetting someone

  • Changes in confidence, mood, or behaviour

  • Limited access to money, transport, or communication

  • Frequent monitoring by a partner or family member

  • Unexplained injuries or repeated excuses for injuries

  • Expressing fear about going home or upsetting someone

Not everyone will show obvious signs.

Sometimes the most important clue is simply noticing that something does not seem right.

How To Support Someone

Listening is often the most powerful thing you can do

If someone chooses to talk to you about family violence:

  • Listen without judgement

  • Believe what they are telling you

  • Let them know they are not alone

  • Respect their choices and decisions

  • Focus on their safety

  • Encourage them to connect with specialist support

You do not need to solve the situation.

You do not need to have perfect advice.

Being a safe, supportive person can make a significant difference.

What Not To Do

Avoid taking control away from them

People experiencing family violence are often already living with control, pressure, and fear.

While it can be tempting to tell someone what you think they should do, this can sometimes increase feelings of pressure or isolation.

Try to avoid:

Telling them what they must do

Criticising their decisions

Pressuring them to leave before they feel ready

Contacting the person causing harm yourself

Making promises you cannot keep

Sharing their information without consent unless safety concerns require it

Supporting someone is about walking alongside them, not taking over.

If Children Are Involved

Tamariki are affected too

Children and young people can be significantly impacted by family violence, even when they do not directly witness it.

You may notice changes in:

  • Behaviour

  • Sleep patterns

  • Emotional wellbeing

  • Confidence

  • Relationships

  • School engagement

If you are concerned about the safety or wellbeing of tamariki, support is available.

Supporting someone can be challenging

It is normal to feel worried, frustrated, helpless, or emotionally affected when someone you care about is experiencing family violence.

Remember:

  • You are not responsible for fixing the situation

  • Change often takes time

  • Your support still matters even when progress feels slow

  • It is okay to seek advice for yourself

You do not need to carry the responsibility alone.

When To Seek Immediate Help

Some situations require urgent action

If someone is in immediate danger, call 111.

If you are concerned about someone's safety and are unsure what to do, contact West Coast Women’s Refuge for guidance.

Our team can help you understand available options and next steps.

How We Can Help

Support is available for both of you

We can provide:

Advice about supporting someone safely

Information about family violence and coercive control

Guidance around safety planning

Referrals and support options

Specialist support services for individuals and whānau

You do not need to wait until a situation becomes a crisis before reaching out.

Need advice or support?

If you are worried about someone, we are here to help.

Whether you are a friend, family member, neighbour, colleague, teacher, employer, or community member, you can contact our team for guidance and support.

24-Hour Crisis Line

0800 208 339

🏳️‍🌈 Everyone deserves safety. Everyone belongs here.

Womens Refuge West Coast is an affiliated member of the Women’s Refuge National Collective, working alongside refuges across Aotearoa to support women and whānau experiencing family violence.

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